Frustration? Regret?

Here we go again. Another heartbreak. Another regret. Another frustration. Frankly, I am sick of this bullshit happening to me over and over again. I've tried being always there for someone, wanting to know everything about her, and it didn't work. Now, I try being distant, thinking that she might get annoyed if I texted too much, or I asked for everything that happened to her today. That didn't work either. Now what the hell am I supposed to think? What am I supposed to feel? Every ounce of optimism is fucking gone. I'll never get the girl. Why? Let me tell you why.

First, I am a gentleman. Yes, I back off when another guy is involved. I do not pursue my crush if she has a boyfriend. If a friend of mine shares my interest in a certain girl, I give way. I hate myself for that. Take now, for example. My crush just posted pictures of her convo with her crush. Sweet texts, if I say so myself. Obviously, she likes him. I, however, am, again, a plant. Not worthy of attention. Hell, I'm not even worth a damn reply. I want to fight, but I am not like that. And I will not change for some girl who doesn't give a damn.

Second, I am unattractive. My friends and family would most probably say otherwise, but no. I don't want that bullshit. I am always the last choice. Sometimes, I feel as if I'm not even a choice at all. I'm just a plant, standing at a corner, quietly contemplating to myself while everyone else are going out with their girlfriends. Yes, my self-esteem is so low. FUCK YOU. I DO NOT CARE.

I have a lot of reasons in mind, but I don't have to share them all. These are my frustrations and regrets, after all.